Time waits for no man...Except Chase Utley.

So we've all seen the stats for Mr. Baseball aka Chase Utley aka Roy Hobbs Jr:
(as of 6/4/)
- 2nd in the NL in RBI's (53)
- 6th in the NL in batting average (.325)
- 1st in NL in HR's (21)
- 2nd in NL in Runs (49)
- 2nd in Slugging Percentage (.684)
- 1st in baby boys being named after him

Here are some other things you might NOT know:

• Chase Utley can get reception inside a tunnel.
• Chase Utley can tackle Barry Sanders in the open field.
  
• Chase Utley taught Gordon Bombay the triple deke.
• Chase Utley can bench Jake Long 33 times.
  
• Chase Utley parted the Red Sea before it was cool.
• Chuck Norris has a sketchbook with just pictures of Chase Utley.
• Chase Utley has singlehandedly stopped snakes on a plane, snakes on a train, and snakes on a submarine.
• Chase Utley makes a delicious 99-calorie cheesesteak.
• Chase Utley has completed "Through the Fire and the Flames" on expert with one hand.
• Yoda was Chase Utley's padawan.
• A Happy Meal is only truly happy when being eaten by Chase Utley.
• The cycle dreams of hitting for Chase Utley.
• Money doesn't grow on trees, except in Chase Utley's yard.
• Chase Utley has beaten Tetris.
• Ocean's 11 is based off a heist Chase Utley pulled off, by HIMSELF.
• Turbulence is caused by Chase Utley's burps.
• Collars attempt to pop themselves when worn by Chase Utley.
• Oscars dream of winning Chase Utleys.
• Turns out, Chase Utley has had the weapons of mass destruction the whole time.
  
• Chase Utley has blocked Kareem's sky hook.
• Chase Utley always stops Wayne Gretzky on breakaways.
  
• The reason SNL isn't funny anymore is because Chase Utley stopped writing for them.
• Chase Utley can shoot the wings off a fly at 800 feet AFTER six irish car bombs.
  
• Pac-Man Jones will play again when Chase decides he can.
• Chase Utley is the reason for Panic at the Disco.
• Chase Utley has beaten Michael Jordan in a dunk contest.
• Chase Utley taught Gwen Stefani how to spell B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
• Gambling is addicted to Chase Utley.
• Chase Utley has beaten the Incredible Hulk at arm wrestling.
• Floyd Landis was doped up on Chase Utley when he won the Tour De France.
• Chase Utley has Spongebob's regular pants.
• When there's danger nearby, (or a sale) his Utley sense tingles.
• Freddy has nightmares involving Chase Utley.
  

Cape? What for?

Oh, and I guess some props go out to (the) Hudler, Zetterberg, and Lidstrom for beating Pittsburgh tonight.

We'll be hoisting Stanley's Cup before long, so enjoy it while it lasts.

- Magnum