Monday, June 16, 2008

Anything's posssssiiiiiblllllleeeeee!!!

First off, I would like to thank Kevin Garnett for the best interview I've seen since watching T.O cry after losing to the Giants.

Boston winning ANOTHER championship really grates on my nerves - but at least I didn't have to deal with watching Kobe win another one.

To that end, I would also like to not thank Seattle's general manager for trading Ray Allen for Jeff Green. (seriously, Jeff Green?) If Jeff Green makes one NBA All-Star team, I'll buy tickets to a WNBA game...AND go to it.

...as well as severely boo Larry Brown(again) for Drafting Larry Hughes when we could have had Paul Pierce.

Thanks for giving us one run to the finals, then ruining the franchise for 6 years, ya louse.

All things considered, this has been one of the most fun NBA seasons I've watched in a long time...and for the first time in a long time, the playoffs were almost as entertaining as watching "Are you ballin' like this 5th grader" ... I mean... "Davidson and Goliath" ... I mean... The NCAA Tournament.

After devouring fruit snacks and graham crackers, Stephen Curry devours your bracket.

Here are some other things I enjoyed about this NBA season:

1. I have to give props to the Boston three-party for putting aside egos and playing like a team - often when you put multiple stars - in particular "the first scoring options" on one squad, they cannot play together at a championship level.

The Truth, Da Grown-up Kid, and Jesus Shuttleworth prepare to tell Brian Scalabrine he'll never see the court again.

2. The Kobe - MJ comparisons have GOT to stop now. Seriously, cut it out. Firstly, a Jordan-led team would never have lost a 24-point lead AT home. Secondly - LeBron and the Cavaliers played the C's to 7 games and LeBron went for 45 in that one...I kept waiting for the one game Kobe was gonna put on his ski mask and gloves and steal a game singlehandedly...you know...drop 45-50 points, look unstoppable for four quarters?

...What happened Kobe?

3. Chris Paul has again vindicated the work of FBAB.

For those that have never heard of the FBAB... (Federal Bureau of Advanced Ballin) A secret government project started waaay back in 1972, right after the United States lost the Gold Medal in basketball, and ...around the time China started on their super secret "Project Y"...who eventually was created in 1980 and is known as "Yao Ming."

I can't talk much about the FBAB, or you may never hear from me again...but I will tell you that Chris Paul is the result of combining the DNA of Jason Kidd and Isiah Thomas...possibly their greatest achievement yet. That's including Steve Nash, LeBron James and Brittney Grimer.

Honestly, Chris Paul's numbers were better than Nash's when he won the MVP ... and really, who saw the Hornets almost coming out with the #1 seed out of the west.

Not I.

4. Pau Gasol is the worst groomed man on the planet. Does this man not realize the NBA is televised? Get a haircut and SHAVE.

Hahaha...that's a good one Pau...but seriously man. Get away from me.

5. Dwight Howard made the dunk contest fun again.


For years now, the All-Star weekend has been nearly unwatchable. But everyone is finally taking cues from Dwight Howard and making the dunk contest creative and entertaining. There may not ever be another Jordan vs. Wilkins...or even McGrady vs. Vince Carter...but the dunk contest has regained its rightful place atop the "skills" competitions across the leagues.

6. "You in my five."

Any commercial that I've seen more than 5-10 times generally tends to annoy me. But Dwyane Wade and Charles Barkley are possibly the greatest comedy duo since Cheech and Chong.

"Gimme them socks!"

Okay...maybe not...but at least Penn and Teller.

7. Philadelphia basketball is back!

Barring a 3rd quarter meltdown at home against Detroit (which I had the misfortune of seeing in person), we were very nearly up three games to one against one of the best teams in the east.

Now, we have a new GM, a great point guard, some youth on the roster, and a decent draft spot.
We've also finally rid ourselves of the contracts of Chris Webber, Joe Smith, Alan Henderson, Jamal Mashburn, Matt Geiger, Clarence Weatherspoon, Tim Perry, Lucious Harris and Charles Shackelford...

We can FINALLY sign a good free agent.

Agent Zero? Are you out there? I'll personally buy you a cheesesteak.

"Hey Sam, if you ever mohawk your hair again, we're trading you to Memphis."

I'm out like Shawn Bradley's game.

- Magnum

No comments: